Happy New Year Fatty

10:18 PM Elizabeth Seckman 0 Comments

Happy New Year.

According to the Mayan Clock count down, we have 350 some odd days (depending on how quickly I get this posted) left to the world as we know it.

Now for everyone who chose weight loss as a New Year's resolution, you have 35 weeks left. If you lose a pound per week, you can exit this world 50 pounds lighter and a whole lot grumpier than you are today.

If that's your thing.

Me? I'm the anti-dieter. Diets are a spawn of the beast.  It and the glamorous world that promotes it walk hand in hand with the devil.

Here's how the diabolical plot unfolds...

Toss some MM's...she's barely able to stand!!
First, Hollywood and the fashion industry promote an idea of skinny that is beyond realistic and is unattainable by regular humans.* That's by design. They intend to destroy your self esteem. They create a cycle of self loathing after you fail time and time again to reach their standard of perfection. I cite for the record... Angelina Jolie. She started out thin...and now after a life in Hollywood, she barely has enough body fat to survive a 48 hour flu.

But that is their image of perfection.

And you strive to reach that image. Anything less and you're a BIG, FAT failure.

At least that's what they make you think. Not a size 0? Eat another cookie gargantuan and know that you fail as a human being and no one will ever love you. It's a subliminal message, but much stronger than the one spinning backward on your old Aerosmith LP.

But the message is planted and sets you up for the sort of mental bad mouthing the diet demon needs to finish you off.

"You must be perfect, you must be slim" 

You think it without even knowing it. It drives you to commit to starving yourself. Body Beautiful or bust.

And it is a bust... cause your body wants to live...it doesn't want to starve to death...or nearly to death as you seek to be Skeletor skinny. So, your brain (in self preservation mode) obsesses with food. Think you're going to walk through the kitchen for a glass of water without dipping your hand in the cookie jar?

Think again. That cookie will call your name, and if you're hard of hearing, it will freaking shriek....EAT ME!!!

The body and the beast conspire here...you know all about that spirit being willing but the flesh being weak? Well, here's your proof. You think it's simple self control, but no, it's a struggle beyond calories and carb counts. It's good vs. evil. You have placed your self worth in the hands of the diet demon and he's going to eat at you until you are nothing but a bloated tick in a pair of sweat pants.

Why? Because every pound you lose, you'll likely find two more. The more you obsess with weight, the more power you give to the beast. He'll have you craving Twinkies like a nympho seeks sex.

So, how do you win?

1. No more picking on yourself. If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself. Would you ever tell a friend...'geesh fatty, did you really need that candy bar?' OF COURSE NOT! (and if you would...you have bigger issues than size...whatta bitch you must be!!)
2. Stop listening to Hollywood and their freak standards.**  You don't have to be a toothpick to be healthy. Everyone knows you'll need some body fat to survive the Zombie Apocalypse anyhow.
3. Treat your body good. Feed it well. Eat crap, feel like crap. Stop worrying about how many calories you want to cut and start thinking of all the nutrients you need to add.
4. Move it. Your body is a wonderful machine and it feels best when it's in use.
5. Hydrate. Drink your water. Besides, I hear it plumps up wrinkle lines...what's NOT to love about that?
6. Love yourself. Every pound, every ounce. Physical perfection is so over rated....remember body beautiful is less important than body doable. (See Philosophical Rule #7) In case you've forgotten or are new to the blog... Here's a little link...I'm helpful (and self-promoting) like that :)

The footnotes...
*Most models and starlets are shipped in from the planet Malnourishmont. Their natural diet of cigarettes, amphetamines, and Diet Coke isn't recommended for earthlings.
**Remember, the standard was set for non human women.


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