Facebooker Insecurity Encephalitis:The Post that No One Tells Koopmans About: ISWG

9:45 AM Elizabeth Seckman 60 Comments

Read other IWSG posts HERE!

For today's IWSG, I'd like to take the opportunity to address a real problem in the writing community. It's insidious. It masks itself by appearing trivial, like a little cough that turns out to be TB. Please review the symptoms. If you, or anyone you love seem to be suffering...seek help immediately! 


Do fears of lame status updates give you writer’s block?

Do you lose sleep as images of clever posts dance in your head?

Do you obsessively worry that “liking” Vagisil for the coupon gave people the wrong impression?

Or that “liking” Justin Bieber just lost you followers?

Do you fear your soul with be sent straight to hell because you scrolled past “Like and Share if you love Jesus”?

Do you allow your children to stretch the limits of good behavior…as long as it makes a good status update?

Do you put your marriage/relationships on shaky ground offering up TMI just to make a reader click like?

Do you call your therapist/minister/mommy when your follower number goes down, not up?

Do you keep Grammar Girl on your tool bar so no one can say you ain’t got smarts?

Do you feel compelled to have another baby or adopt a puppy just to have cute pictures to post?

*If you suffer from any of these symptoms…you may be experiencing Facebooker Insecurity Encephalitis. Seek reality in the form of actual conversation immediately before the swelling of your brain causes permanent damage. 

Sadly, if you just thought, "Hey, a twisted brain makes for snappier status updates!" I'm too late. Next thing you know, your hair will fall out and you will look and act like this: 


60 comments:

  1. LOL! Facebook Insecurity Encephalitis- that's brilliant.

    I already follow Mark- he's hilarious and one very talented guy!

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    1. And hopefully a good sport...if he ever finds out!

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  2. I deactivated my account this week, also my linkedin account. I can't keep up and the privacy issues drive me crazy. I have nothing cute, or inspiring to share. CRAZY, yes -- but I really don't want to send out an invitation to the men in the snappy white coats. Hey, hey, ha ha...

    Oh dear, did I just post that out loud? Locking the doors, closing the curtains, curling into a ball...

    :)

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    1. ROFL...you may have deactivated a little too late. That was too funny, too twisted...buy a wig now!

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  3. Not depserate enough for another baby...but a puppy is another story. I already follow the GREAT Koopman. :)

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    1. I'm not desperate enough for either one...yet. I just trash my poor hubby. He takes it like a good sport!

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  4. I'm in love with this. Elizabeth, you are my favorite person, lol.

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    1. Love right back at ya Cassie Mae! If I had ever had a daughter when I was like um...let's say 9...I'm sure she would have been you!

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  5. OH. MY. GOSH.

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am Dyyyyying... where's Mark??? He's going to KILL YOU!!!! Hahahaha... Aside from the Koopmans awesomeness, I honestly was cracking up so hard with each of these lines. And I was just talking about fb yesterday with Koop wondering why he wasn't on it. ;-)

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    1. And he totally needs to be on it! And he won't kill me...they have laws against that ;-)

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  6. Lol, sounds a little familiar, but I'm not going to tell you which ones!!

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  7. I am seriously laughing out loud here. This post is all kinds of awesome.

    I too am already following the wise and wonderful Koopmans. His posts never disappoint.

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    1. Glad I could bring some humor to your day. :) It's good for the health, you know.

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  8. Dying of laughter. Ha! This is great.

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  9. Answer to your questions: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. etc.

    I have to follow Mark for all the fun he doles out in his blog!

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    1. He does make the day brighter...may just be the reflection of the light from his skull...but whatever it is, I am thankful for it!

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  10. Facebook Insecurity Encephalitis! Hilarious Elizabeth. Yeah Mark has that special glow about him doesn't me. Already a follower of course. Loved the post Liz.

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    1. Thanks Sheena-kay! Smart lady for following Mark. :)

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  11. LMAO! What a horrific condition. ;)I've seen Mark around but have not followed him. I should correct that immediately.

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  12. Brilliant post! Happy to report I'm not suffering from this chronic condition, but I certainly know people who are! Already following Koopmans!

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    1. Beware...it is contagious! You CAN catch it from friends.

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  13. This is exactly why I take Facebook in moderation. Seriously. Too much of anything has adverse side effects. Or in this case, adverse side-burn effects (or no side-burns, or hair, at all). I need the laugh! :)

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    1. Facebook is definitely best done in moderation!

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  14. Dear Ms. Seckman,

    This post is an invaluable one and one in which my wife will treasure and chuckle about forever.

    However, one does have one monor point to mention.

    In the post, you discuss "hair loss," and while I believe a bald head is actually a solar panel for a sex machine, I don't see how that pertains to I, the Koops.

    As you can see, I am not folicle-ly challenged and therefore not to confused with that bald dude.

    Just sayin'.



    PS.... Oh, you are in soooooooo much trouble :)~

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    1. So, I read this to my husband and of course he wants to shave his head! So, now I wonder...what is the more disturbing thought...that my husband wants the sex machine solar panel or the fact that you have suddenly caught a bad case of Bieber-itis and got morphed into an androgynous teen icon?

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    2. Oh, and have no fear. Trouble is my middle name. Okay well, really it's Merry...but the root word for merry comes from the Gaelic merrimusmaker, which translates roughly to- causes trouble for fun.

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    3. Ah-hahahahaha!!!!! I still can't get over how funny this is... honestly, it's made my week... and the Fabio pic is KILLING ME...

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  15. This was great! And Mark's picture is well... wow. Love it.

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    1. You speak of the long haired teen Mark, right? That is one scary dude!!

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  16. That was awesome! And reminds me why I'm not on Facebook.
    Mark is THE Madman!

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    1. Such a wise man.
      Mark is a mad man...and I would be so bored if he disappeared!

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  17. ROFL xD Great post!
    And, too late. He already know. :P

    IWSG #145 until Alex culls the list again. :)

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    1. Yep...I'm fearing the retaliation!!

      WHO TOLD PEOPLE? I SPECIFICALLY SAID IN THE TITLE...DON'T TELL KOOPMANS!!

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  18. Freaking hilarious!! Loved it! Happy IWSG post day. Thanks for the laughs. :)

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    1. My pleasure Candilynn! Thanks for stopping by.

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  19. Facebook Insecurity Encephalitis? No, I really don't think that's my case. I just got 2 friends in Facebook and still no signs of calling my therapist about it. Ask me about Twitter Insecurity Encephalitis and we'll talk. ;)

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    1. Oh that Twitter...I still don't quite get it. One day I will stay there long enough to allow that obsession to grow too.

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  20. Ha! FIE! That's awesome. (and I will not obsess about my unfollowers... Much; was it something I said?).

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    1. No, I have decided that anyone who drops out has probably decided to be a hermit, shut off their internet connection, and is possibly moving to a cave. It's not us, I'm sure.

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  21. Hahaha! Yes to all the questions! It seems like this online writing community has taken over my life! If I feel depressed, I go online and read your LOVELY posts and I have an INSTANT smile on my face.

    I gotta have an actual conversation with someone to get rid of these symptoms? You must be kidding me! All my friends are online and I can only talk to them via email. I know, it sad.

    Does Blogger Insecurity Encephalitis have the same symptoms? I need to know NOW.

    Great post, Liz!

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    1. No, the blogasphere is totally different. This is also an acceptable support group. :)

      Have no fear, you are fine.

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  22. OMG this was SO hilarious! I definitely suffer from this at times! Laughing all the way over to Mark's blog!!!

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    1. Tell him I said hi...and to quit tweeting that I am on the potty!! (He got even with me by tweeting that I laughed all the way to the bathroom...I deserved that.)

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  23. HAHAHA. You are too funny. And it's funny because it's true!! If only I could look as cool as Mark if my hair fell out. ;)

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    1. I know I couldn't look as cool as Mark. I have a horrible forehead that is best hidden behind bangs.

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  24. LOL Great post. Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it. =)

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  25. Replies
    1. You're most welcome. Consider it payment for all the education you have given me in your blog. =)

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  26. LOL! Oh, how I miss your blog when I'm away! There is NOTHING like it! And I adore Mark too! Oh my gosh - too much fun in one area! Epic post! Thanks for the laugh!

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    1. Aww thanks Leigh! I love visiting you too. Remember to keep coming back...don't make us hunt you down!

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  27. that was hilarious!!!
    mark is too! perfect!
    thanks for the laughs!!

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    1. He tweeted that I was using the potty. He's an ornery man...be careful poking him!

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  28. Replies
    1. Thanks Lydia. I might not have a medical degree, but that doesn't stop me from making a diagnosis.

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  29. Ha ha. Sometimes I struggle to post something funny or thoughtful, or wonder what people think about my likes and updates.

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    1. Honestly Medeia, I have days when it's harder to come up with a status update than it is a plot line!

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