Love Tip #1: Stop Listening

This is my husband, Chad, and I in our engagement photo, circa 1990.

Yes, we do make a cute couple- just ask my mother. 

And yes, we do get along great. 

I think he's the bomb-diggity, and he knows he's lucky to have me ;)

The truth is...we almost didn't make it to that picture. 

I was pretty sure he was a jerk. 

As a matter of fact, I was so vocal in my distaste for the All-American hot-shot that when we finally started dating, I'd hold my breath while we were out, waiting for one of my friends to say something like, "You know she once said she'd be a lesbian before she'd ever date you?"

Then the date would get awkward.

You see, here's the thing... 

Every time I thought Chad Seckman was cute, or thought I liked him...out of his mouth would come the stupidest stuff. 

Case in point, when I was in the 7th grade and he was in the 8th, we danced together. It was a St. Paddy's Day dance. Of course my young heart went pitter-patter. He had biceps by age 13. 

Next day, he asked me if I padded my bra. 

Chad Seckman WAS a jerk. 

Then came high school. 

My homeroom was next to Chad's handicapped brother's classroom. Every day at lunch, Chad would come out to his little brother's classroom and spend time with him. 

That was sweet. 

Surely, I misjudged.  

So, I ran track. Yeah, me. The girl who despises sweat. I ran track. Totally not to hone my athletic skills. It was 100% to get on the track bus....where that sweet, handsome Seckman guy was.  

It worked like magic. In no time, we were sharing a table at McDonald's, and I gladly gave him my extra chicken McNuggets. (For the record, he hates chicken nuggets, but young love is so much about pandering.)

Then one day he walked me home from track practice, and he said....

I can't say it here. It's a family-friendly blog. 

I put the actual pick-up line in Defying Reason (Chapter 29). It's one of those situations where fiction and reality mix. I needed a gawd-awful line for a drunken stooge to lay on a girl, and my filterless husband's drivel was the perfect well to draw from. 

My beta read the line and messaged me...OMGosh, I am sooo jealous of that line. I'm dying. LOL.

I texted back. I didn't make that up. My husband used that thinking he was clever. 

She was like...

Well, Jo (the girl MC in Defying Reason) forgave Tanner (the male MC) in a chapter or two. 

Fiction works that way. 

Chad, on the other hand, took a few years of abuse for the comment. 

My loathing was so strong, even thick-skulled, young Chad picked up on it, often asking, "What did I do?"

I said nothing. One, I wouldn't stoop so low to repeat his comment. Two, I assumed our conversation would go something like....

He never had a clue what he did. Instead, he kept a log of every insult and injustice I hurled at him. 

After we got married, he'd throw all my evil comments back at me. 

Then we had kids and still he joked about how mean I was. He'd tell the kids, "Boys, your mom tried hard to find you a different dad, but I hung in there."

Or, "Tell the boys about the time you called me stupid in front of a class full of people."**

Then I'd have to explain to the boys, "Your dad's insane."

Come on, I wasn't telling them the truth!

**(It was in history class. Chad caught me giving him an eye roll that I'm certain he deserved. He said, in front of the class, "You think I'm stupid." To which I replied, "I most certainly do not think you're stupid. Stupid implies an inability to learn. I think you're ignorant, which means you're fully capable of learning...you just choose not to.")

Finally, after years of me being made the bad guy, I asked him, "Don't you remember what you said to me?"

Of course he didn't, so I reminded him. 

To which, he laughed. "Yeah. That's something I'd say. You didn't like that? It was a compliment."

So, how did it ever work out? 

One night his best friend asked me to go for a ride...to give him the opportunity to state Chad's case and vouch for his friend.

Thoughtful. Generous. Patient. Kind. 

Hell, to hear Kevin talk, Chad was born in a Boy Scout uniform and spent his free time throwing himself in front of buses to save puppies. 

I believed him. Young me never figured one devil might be vouching for the other....and that's a good thing.

Once I stopped listening to what Chad said and started judging him by his actions, I had a winner. 

So, stop listening. Actions do speak louder than eloquence.

Thanks to our hosts Lexa, L.G, and Tonja Drecker for this weekly good things check in!  

~Boy #1, Caleb, was offered a full scholarship to Cornell. We're thrilled and excited. He has so many great offers from some exceptional law schools, he has a tough decision to make soon.

~Boy #3, Carter, scored a 31 on his ACT. That puts him in a much better place to pull in some scholarships.

~I'm ditching my old internet provider. I had the new internet lines run today. I cannot wait to tell the old measured internet service to go fly a kite. Woot woot. Raise the roof. Good bye Suddenlink!!