If I Were a Mobster

6:00 AM Elizabeth Seckman 59 Comments

The lovely Chrys Fey has a new book out and to celebrate it, she is hosting a blog hop: 

If I were a Mobster...

I'd never have to wait in line at a restaurant.

People wouldn't flip me off when I zone out at red lights. 

I'd have goons to carry my bags in the mall. 

My mini-van would be tripped out with blackened windows and a large flat screen TV. 

I'd never have to run another pesky errand. I'd have people on my payroll for that.

And for their help, I'd give them a generous 401K and a sweet vacation package... maybe throw in some free rooms at one of the luxury resorts I should probably have in my gangster portfolio. 

Not very mobsterish? Well, I think it's time to bring a softer touch to the syndicate.

Top notch bingo parlors.

Drug deals for prescription drugs to help lower costs.

Maybe use my hitmen to help old ladies deal with rude phone companies and force insurance companies to lower their deductibles.

Oh, and I'd offer a protection service with a different sort of spin, instead of shake-downs, I'd operate 
Uber Rent-a-Goon. 

Afraid to walk home from the library? Rent a goon. 


Harassing day at the DMV? Rent two goons. One to take care of the worker; one to fetch chocolate.

Boyfriend turned into a stalker? Go for the month-long goon/ leg breaker rental. 

The only problem with being a mobster is that I don't like pain, either to give it or receive it.

Perhaps there is room in the crime family for a mobster who wields power with uplifting, motivational speechesrrather than spilled blood? 

No? Well then, I guess I'll just read Chrys's book and leave the mob stuff to the criminal master minds. 

How about you? What kind of mob boss would you be? 



30 SECONDS BEFORE BLURB:

Blake Herro is a cop in the Cleveland Police Force. Ever since he was a child he wanted to do right by the city he loved by cleaning up the streets and protecting its citizens. Red, a notorious mobster, has other plans.

On a bitter December night, ten police officers are drawn into a trap and killed by Red’s followers. Blake wants to bring down the Mob to avenge his fallen brothers and to prevent other cops from being murdered. Except the only way he can do that is by infiltrating the Mob.

Every minute he’s with these mobsters he’s in danger. Around every corner lies the threat of coming face to face with a gun. Will he make it out of the Mob alive or will he be their next victim?

BUY LINKS:



To celebrate, 30 Seconds, the follow up story, is on sale for 99 cents!


Sale Oct. 21st – Nov. 4th

SALE LINKS:



BIO:

Chrys Fey is the author of the Disaster Crimes Series (Hurricane Crimes and Seismic Crimes), as well as these releases from The Wild Rose Press: 30 Seconds, Ghost of Death, and Witch of Death. Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter


Now please hop around to the other participants!




This was my small things check in- a reminder to count your blessings.
Thanks to our hosts LexaL.G, and Tonja Drecker for hosting this weekly check in! 

Caleb, Norah, and Stacey
Talk about a good thing!!    

My two nieces (Kari and Stacey) and my sister (Lisa) bought my son a plane ticket to come in from New York for our Tacotober celebration!

Every October, we have tacos and watch scary movies. I complained to my sister it just wasn't going to be the same without Caleb. He loves Tacotober! I suggested we postpone it. My heart just wasn't in it.

Last week, Stacey asked me if I'd go with her to the airport to pick up a friend of ours, Ricky. So, we headed off to Pittsburgh to pick up Ricky. At the airport, I was playing eye-spy with Norah when someone tapped me on my shoulder. I figured it was Ricky, so I turned around. The first thought through my head? Ricky sure does look like Caleb. Then it dawned on me- it was Caleb!

My little boy (sort of) is home for the weekend thanks to one of the best sisters ever and her daughters,

59 comments:

  1. Glad Caleb will be home for the fun.
    You would be a very popular mobster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I might be the most popular, easiest to knock over boss in history!

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  2. Uber rent a goon eh? Not a bad idea. What a wonderful surprise for you, great sister and nieces.

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  3. What a nice surprise from your sister!

    Love the goons carrying your bags in the mall and the better bingo parlors!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They'd be really handy- especially with the holiday shopping season coming up.

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  4. I love your Mob. That's a Mob for the good of the people. There should be Mobs like that.

    All hail Queen E! ;)

    Thanks for participating in my Mobfest! :)

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  5. OMG--what an awesome surprise! What sweet sisters you have. I remember how important those weekends were when I was in college. Home seemed like heaven after living in a dorm.

    And yes, yes, yes, I'd elect you head mobster for sure. We could all use a goon to smooth out the rough spots.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was the nicest surprise ever. They're sweet like that.

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  6. Well you'd be a whole other kind of mobster haha

    That was a great surprise indeed.

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    Replies
    1. I'd have to think of some creative retributions for my enemies. I think enemies go with the mob boss territory.

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  7. Lisa is a guardian angel. So sweet. *Sniffles*

    Queen E sounds like the New Age mobster this world needs. You have some great benefits and protection ideas Liz. So want to know what kind of mobster I'd be? Then slip on by my page and find out my dear. Much love and now back to sniffling over your sweet story and the return of little grown Caleb.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll be checking out your mobster profile in just a bit. I can only imagine...

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  8. OMG Tacotober sounds AMAZING. I love tacos and I love October, but I've never thought to mix the two! Being a mobster would be scary, but it does have its perks, as you mentioned!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should throw a taco. Mexican food + horror movie fest= staying up all night from fear, but blaming the heartburn!

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  9. I don't know what to comment on first. Loved the softer side of mobster bosses. Then when the post couldn't get any better, you shared your sister's surprise. Fun, uplifting post. Thanks.

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  10. I think your mob is cool. That is thinking out of the box. Total success I am sure. I like the rent a goon idea too.
    Juneta @ Writer's Gambit

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  11. What a wonderful surprise to have Caleb there.
    Congrats again to Chrys.

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  12. Lol:) Ok, that may be the awesomest mob boss ad I've seen:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I should buy a google ad for it. LOL

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  13. Uber-rent-a-goon, you gotaa love that. And giving the elderly deals on their prescription drugs, now that's a new spin on the mafia drug trade. This is by far the most unique mobster profile I've read. Very fun and entertaining. I enjoyed it. Congrats to Chrys on her new book. I have to say, I'm glass her villains aren't so nice, lol. I wouldn't mind enjoying some of the perks your mob family offers though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wouldn't it be so cool if drug traffickers used their skills to make beneficial drugs to sell at cut-rate prices?

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  14. Ha! That's awesome. Who'd have ever thought goons could be so useful?

    Also, I like that you'd still have your minivan. Sliding doors, in dash navigation, and side panel missile launchers. Just as every good mom should have.

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    Replies
    1. Of course I kept the mini-van- it's what all the cool, post-40 chicks drive.

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  15. I need to "rent a goon" for some of the store managers I have to work with, lol.

    What an awesome surprise for you. Yay, taco month is saved :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As soon as I get the service set up, I'll send you a coupon for one free rental. LOL

      Delete
  16. Wow, you really are a softie mobster. I kinda like it. I have a bit of a heart, too. :) I'm so thrilled that you got such a wonderful surprise from your sister. Now, the whole family can enjoy Tacotober. I love you, girl!! Hugs.

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    Replies
    1. May as well not lie and say I'll be a leg breaker. I don't have the upper body strength for that. Love you, too chick!

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  17. Sweet payment package :) Loving this blog hop!

    What a fab sister!! So glad you got to spend the weekend with your baby (no matter how grown up they are, they are still our babies :)).

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    Replies
    1. I agree 100% that our babies never grow up- no matter what their dad's say.

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  18. The kind of mobster you'd be sounds awesome! I wish Chrys much success!

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  19. Most wonderful to read Elizabeth.
    Congrats to Chrys on her Blogfest.
    Yvonne.

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  20. Ha! This is great! Softer, gentler side of the mob!

    Great job!
    Heather

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  21. I'd work for you, mob boss! Awesome post, and yay for your son coming home. Hope you had a terrific weekend! :)

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  22. Uber rent a goon...LOL...funny. If I had to work for someone, I would consider all the benefits you offer, plus I do like to kick butt.
    sherry @ fundinmental

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  23. LOL! Your minivan with the blacked out windows... Ah, Elizabeth, you've got this whole thing figured out. I'm down for your service. Where can I get my goon? (I need a house cleaning one.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seems the demand for goons is outpacing my supply. I'll put you on the top of my list :)

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  24. There must be other uplifting goons. If not, you'd be the first! And everyone knows, it's almost always best to be first. Unless you're on a conveyor belt heading to a monster's plate.

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    Replies
    1. LOL. Yeah, I don't want to be first for that. That's where being last you have the shred of hope he's too full for another bite by the time you get there.

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  25. That was the best surprise ever! I have a feeling this will be your best tacotober ever, too.

    You sound like my kinda mobster, but how about getting your goons to lean on the greedy drug companies, too, okay? If I were a mobster, I'd be a hugger, not a slugger, and there'd be no knee-capping or knuckle sandwiches, either. Maybe some friendly back-slapping and freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. (Maybe the bad guys just need a little sweetening up...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We could put some pressure on those companies. Someone needs to go talk to my insurance people too- my health insurance is just awful any more.

      Delete
  26. Ooh, sign me up for Rent-a-Goon! :)
    Happy Family Days and Happy Tacotober!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was awesome! The only down side was that it went too fast, of course.

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  27. What a generous family you have. That's really sweet.

    If I was a mobster, I'd become highly skilled at ruthless kicks to the kneecaps or (worse and in heels) higher.

    Congratulations to Chrys!

    Virtual hugs to you.

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    Replies
    1. They really are the best. I am truly blessed.

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  28. Congratulations on your new book, Chrys. Best wishes.

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